One week left

before i go off and watch some dvd's. Just one week left as a minor, my last week as a kid

time to reminisce on the childhood, right? AGAIN? i reminisce A LOT.

So like, what is my earliest memory...that me personally remember and not told to me...shit I remember vaguely being in a crib, sucking on a bottle. I saw my grandma walk up to me because there were hella people over, and my grandma gave me like a bill, i dunno if it was one dollar bill, five, ten, twenty, ect. but she gave it to me to hold, and she took a picture holding me, and i was holding the money. then afterwards she put me back in the crib, and i vaguely remember she looked around and then took the money away from me. I also remember when I was crawling to my dad and his drunk mexican friends. he said "kristopher come here" (he said it in spanish) and i crawld over there and he stood me up and he said "drink" in spanish and i took a big gulp and i remember it was fizzy and the after taste. and it was the first time i tried beer. when i was really young and all his drunk mexican friends laughed and cheered and i crawled away after. i know i didn't have the most pleasant childhood, but i know i didn't have the worst. it's kinda about how you slice it up. I remember my first day of school, when my dad had to litterally drag and carry me into the classroom and i was yelling "i don't wanna go!!!" then i got in and i was silent. then when i had gotten chewing gum in the morning and i stuck it in my pocket and with my right hand i grasped it and held it and didnt let go the entire day. until it was time to put up the chairs and i couldn't do it with my left hand. so everyone's chair was up except mine. i couldn't do it, then the teacher was like kristopher use both hands and i didn't say anything, then she grabbed my left hand from behind me, and my right hand, and yanked it outta my pocket and out fell this wrinkled up dry piece of gum. and i started crying. "WAAAHHH!!!!"

we remember such weird things in life. Such weird and random memories. I don't remember my first hug to another girl from school, i don't remember the first time i scraped my knee's or my hands, i don't remember sheshangfongyu's last name or jennifer's from kindergarten. But I do remember tall zack from kindergarten, how he got held back. i remember how michael in the 1st grade tried to run up a wall and do a back flip, yet instead he landed on his skull and it cracked open. I remember when I wrote those bad letters in 1st grade or when I got accused to cutting a kids finger off with scciccors so my mom and dad beat my ass for it. I said I didn't do it, but no one believed me. Til a day after my beating, the principal called and said it wasn't me. I don't remember how I met Kyler, but I remember the day I first saw Linda in 6th grade. I don't remember the first marilyn manson song i heard (anymore, because i used to obsess over him), but I remember that time me carlo bryan and peter were having a pillow fight in peter's old house in hayward, and we woke up peter's dad by accident and he came time and made us cry because he scared us pretending he was about to hit us with the pillows real hard. and he was saying "WHAT, you want ME to hit you with the pillow?" and i was just scared. I remember how I used to be scared of him a lot of my life actually. Yet now when I see him, it's like "heyy uncle whats up man, oh shit you're bald." I think it's because i'm older now, i'm not as much of a pain in the ass.

I remember how I used to always want to kill my punk ass uncle andy (and i still do. If I see that guy drunk at another family party, i'm going to really take off on him.) because how he always used to hit up, talk shit to us, make us cry, push us around just because we were really small kids. He hurt my self esteem for so long, he confused me for so long, he made me feel like shit so for long. I wondered why I was a little liar back in middle school, I guess it does have to start with him. How much shit he would really talk. "you're not going to amount to shit. you're fucking stupid. your mom is fat. Your dad is a stupid mexican. you're not good enough." Some people may sit there and think "no way that can't be right, that's your uncle." yet i really can have any one of my cousins vouch he's a complete ass hole, and they have a way better memory than me so they could probably say more things than I could. I remember the filipino parties when all the older cousins would get togheter, and us being the younger ones they didn't want us there so we had to go to the back of the room silent. the night when my cousin jay r (rest in peace) died. i dunno im just, i don't want a depressing blog. i'ma end here.

all you do is talk, you a motha fuckin fake

that is the best fucking song in the world, shit it says my mind perfectly. the middle verse when syke is doin his part. starts at 1:24. ooooooooooo hahahaha that shits gooood. man i woke up too late for school ima play pokemon i guess. i dunno shits been weird lately. i dont wanna be bitchin on blogger like i would do on xanga. no one wants to read depressing ass posts, so ima make this one super happy. i found a bunch a few of my old white tees so that cheered me up. im wearin one right now an d its perfect size. PERFECT. not hella big. i dunno what else to say really. but i know im turning 18 in a week. im gonna write up a legal will to all my possessions hahhaha. and i gotta sign the selective service paper though, that probably will be the first productive thing i do as a legal adult. then ima open a checking account. get a license. buy a blow up doll, i don't know. TOMORROW for sure im getting my ID, first thing in the morning. im tryna get that asap so when it hits midnight ima buy just a pack of cigarettes, a hustler magazine, and i guess a new lighter. what am i gonna do wit hthe cigarettes, i dunno. i dont smoke them anymore but ive always just wanted to. OH SHIT WAIT. I CAN BUY SWISHERS. and i can buy a bong. a pipe. a VAPORIZER. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. hahahahaha

O'Z UP! O'Z UP! O BOYYYYYYZZZZZZ!

i'm pretty sick of school. i can't wait to get out. it's so boring.

so photography these days piss me off. it's cool that people are into photography but like EVERYONE now is a "photographer" and they don't know shit about it. They all take the same fucking pictures and think it's fucking artistic. Enough with the SUPER close up pictures of things, or pictures that are taken at a very low angle. fuck, people take all their pictures like that. or a bunch of a fuckin lights, its fuckin retarded. The point of photography is to be original. To express your individuality and not to follow the fucking trends. and i'm sick of everyone taking black and white photos thinking they're all nice. NO. they're fucking ugly. just because something is in B/W doesn't make it "artsy" it makes you like a amatuer idiot who doesn't know what the fuck he's doing. Fuck sake, i've taken snap shots that are better. It has nothing to do with the fact that I was in a photography class, shit before I even got real lessons I was still taking better semitry photos. Using reflections and propper lighting.

and i'm sick of liars. Seriously now, I understand if you're a little middle school kid because you really don't know better. Yet if you're a fucking senior or 11th grader. Grow the fuck up. You're almost an adult, or maybe even an adult. I'm sick of hearing a lot of bull shit about "oh i did this. i did that" no you fucking didn't. No you didn't kill 20 bloods. no you don't know spanish. no you don't know tagalog. no you're not fucking hawaiian you piece of lying shit.

im done ranting for now, im hungry!

Life Pt. 1

Okay so this blog will be more serious than the last one, obviously. So my cousin Peter just turned 18 and it's a pretty big eye opener; what am I going to do now? In two weeks I'll be 18. I remember when we were still young. We would always be wrestling, exploring, playing with bugs, being slaves. I miss those days. I used to miss middle school at the start of high school. I always wanted to go back; yet in reality I realized I missed a few people I ended up losing friendships with. I don't know, when I get really attached to someone, I stayed attached for a long time. Of course special circumstances. Like when I found out I wasn't going to be friends with Sarina anymore, I freaked out and missed her for the next two years almost. Same with Christine, it took up until I read Christine's blog to just let go I was finally able to. Yet when I lost Indy and those guys' as friends, I honestly never really thought about them (no offence, indy you know you're family man; it's not that I didn't care.) I just never thought about them, I don't know if it was because I was constantly high, I don't know if it was for what happened, I really don't know. I just didn't think about them ever, any from that group, it got to the point where I honestly forgot two people from their groups' name which someone had to remind me. Of course I still remembered Indy's and Niral's name it wasn't their names I forgot, I could never forget those names. They've been family to me since I met them, well Indy atleast. I remember I didn't like Niral when I first met him hahaha. I forgot where I was getting at with this all. Oh yeah now I remember. I missed middle school only because I missed the people. I missed when sarina and christine would always be bugging me to fix their drama, I'd always dropped what I was doing to help it. I'd be looking at lesbian porn and then I'd get an i.m. "Okay i'll help." I missed how Niral was all death metal. I missed how we were the old kids in school. I missed how indy would wear those tight pants and had long hair hahahaha. Yet around 10th grade I finally got over it all. It took me a while, I know it did. Yet I'm over it all. I don't miss middle school, I miss being a KID. A real kid. Before I turned into a TFS pot head thing, before I turned into a ska kid, before I turned into a little punk kid, before I turned into that "skater kid who always brings his skateboard to class", before I turned into that little hxc emo metal-head kid, before all of that.

When I used to wake up at 5 am in the morning hearing no doubt on MTV morning music videos. I used to wake up next to my brother because we both would be sleeping on the floor since of course we're poor, we couldn't even afford any padding, we just had a blankey under us, and we'd lay our pillows on the metal part of our mom's bed so our necks wouldn't hurt. Then we shared this huge blanket. Then we'd get up eventually around 5:10, get dressed, drop off mom to work. Then we'd drive to alameda and go to school at like 6:50ish. We were always there before the cafeteria even opened.

i'll continue this later.

haaaa

this blog kicks ass